31. Navigating Birth Systems: The Rights You Have (Even if No One Tells You)
Ever felt like pregnancy turns you into public property?
Like everyone from your neighbor to your OB to the cashier at Target suddenly has opinions about your uterus—and expects you to nod, smile, and follow orders?
Yeah. Welcome to modern maternity care.
Here’s the deal: you’re not a passenger on the birth train—you’re the damn conductor. And if no one’s handed you a map of the system and said “Hey, these are your rights,” consider this your first-class boarding pass. Because you do have rights. Big, juicy, beautiful ones. Even if no one bothers to mention them.
Let’s get into what you’re really allowed to say and do during your pregnancy and birth—even when the system hopes you won’t know better.
You Have the Right to Say “No.” (Yes, even to your doctor.)
Let’s just rip off the Band-Aid: consent isn’t a formality—it’s a legal requirement.
That means every test, every sweep, every cervical check, every “We’re just going to break your water now, okay?” needs your actual consent. Not their assumption. Not their hustle. Not their “we always do it this way.”
You’re allowed to:
Ask questions before you say yes
Say “not right now”
Say “no” without having to give a PowerPoint presentation on why
👉 Pro tip: If you're birthing in a hospital, you can request the consent forms in advance and mark them up like a high school yearbook. Cross stuff out. Add notes. Put sticky tabs on the parts you want to come back to. Sign what you agree to—and leave the rest blank. It’s your body, not theirs.
You Have the Right to Ask “Why?” (And Keep Asking.)
Your provider doesn’t get a gold star just for having credentials. You’re allowed to question everything. And I mean everything.
“Why are you recommending this?”
“What are the benefits and risks?”
“What happens if we wait?”
“Is this evidence-based or just routine?”
You’re not being “difficult.” You’re being informed. And an informed patient is a powerful one—which makes you exactly the kind of person who shakes up the system. (High five.)
You Have the Right to Change Providers (Even in the Third Trimester. Even at 39 Weeks.)
Look, this is not The Bachelor. You don’t have to give a rose to a provider who’s giving you red flags. You can break up with them. Switch care. Find someone who respects your autonomy and listens when you speak.
Even if you’re close to your due date. Even if your cousin’s neighbor thinks your OB is “the best.” Even if you’re tired and just want to be done.
The energy in the room when you give birth matters. You deserve to feel safe, respected, and heard. If you don’t? Change the room.
You Have the Right to Decline Induction (Yes, Even for Suspected Big Baby)
If you've ever been told, “Your baby is going to be HUGE,” cue the dramatic music and ultrasound fear-mongering—take a breath. Ultrasound weight estimates can be off by up to 2 pounds. I once had a provider tell me my son would be under 5 pounds. He came out nearly 8. Surprise!
And guess what? You’re allowed to decline an induction based on a guesstimate. You can wait, monitor, ask for second opinions, or just trust your instincts.
📚 Want the receipts? Henci Goer’s breakdown of the evidence is a must-read: Just Say No to Induction for Suspected Big Baby
You Have the Right to Move, Eat, Rest, and Birth How You Want
Spoiler alert: You’re not a patient. You’re a person having a baby. There’s no rule that says you must stay in bed, lie flat, skip meals, or ask for permission to go pee.
Want to labor on all fours? Eat your snacks? Use the shower? Walk around the room like a determined toddler refusing bedtime? You can.
And no, you’re not being “noncompliant.” You’re advocating for your comfort and safety—which is kind of a big deal when you’re pushing out a whole human.
You Have the Right to Refuse a Student, Intern, or Random Bystander
Teaching hospitals are great. Being an educational moment without your consent? Not so much.
You can say no to:
Extra people in the room
Students performing exams
“Just observing”
You don’t owe anyone your body for learning. Period.
You Have the Right to Be the Boss of Your Birth
Here’s the truth no one in the system rushes to tell you: The hospital works for you. Not the other way around.
That means:
You’re allowed to write your own birth plan (and yes, it can include things like “dim lighting” and “no coaching unless I ask”).
You can make noise, make demands, and make space for your needs.
You can fire someone from your room (yes, even a nurse or OB).
You can do things differently than your mom, your friend, or your provider’s “usual.”
Because this is your birth—not their policy manual.
So What’s the Takeaway?
You’re not “lucky” to be allowed choices. You inherently have them.
Your voice matters. Your body matters. Your experience matters. And you deserve to be more than just a polite patient in someone else’s system. You deserve to be seen as the authority over your birth, your baby, and your body.
Own that. Ask questions. Mark up the forms. Fire the provider. Trust your gut.
And if you ever need someone in your corner whispering, “Yep, that’s your right too,”—you know where to find me.
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What’s one “right” you wish someone had told you sooner? Drop it in the comments—I’d love to hear.
