17. How to Feel in Control (Even When Birth Doesn’t Go as Planned)

Apr 11

Written By Faye L

Raise your hand if you've ever felt personally victimized by the unpredictability of life. (Looking at you, labor and delivery.) Planning for birth can feel a bit like planning a Pinterest-perfect party, only to have the guests show up three weeks early, wearing the wrong costumes, and setting the house on fire. So, what happens when the plan—your meticulously researched, heart-and-soul-crafted birth plan—meets the chaos that is childbirth? Spoiler alert: it’s not all bad. In fact, it’s the perfect opportunity to reclaim your power.

Stick around, and you’ll learn how to roll with the punches (or, more accurately, the contractions), feel grounded even in the chaos, and come out of it all feeling like the boss you are—because birth is unpredictable, but your confidence doesn’t have to be.

Why Control Feels So Elusive During Birth (And Why That’s Okay)

Let’s start with some truth tea: birth doesn’t read your script. It’s like the world's worst improv comedian who missed every rehearsal. You might envision candlelit baths and angelic harp music, but sometimes, reality serves fluorescent lights and beeping monitors.

Here’s the deal: it’s not about control over every detail; it’s about control over your response.

And that’s a game-changer. Feeling in control doesn’t mean micromanaging your OB or predicting the exact minute your water will break—it means knowing you have options, a voice, and the tools to make informed decisions, no matter what curveballs are thrown your way.

Strategies to Stay Grounded (Even When Things Go Off-Script)

When birth takes a detour, here’s how you can keep your cool, channel your inner zen goddess, and still feel like you’ve got this.

1. Know Your “Non-Negotiables”

While your ideal plan might involve a playlist of soft acoustic jams and zero epidurals, identify what matters most.

Example: Is skin-to-skin contact your top priority? Communicate that clearly to your birth team.
Pro Tip: Write down 2-3 absolute “musts” and focus on those. The rest? Let it go, Elsa-style.

2. Embrace the Power of Knowledge

Information = empowerment. Understanding your options before labor begins means you’re less likely to feel steamrolled in the heat of the moment.

Start with: Research common interventions (hello, inductions and epidurals) and understand the risks, benefits, and alternatives.
Bonus: Knowing what questions to ask—like “Is this medically necessary right now, or can we wait?”—keeps you in the driver’s seat.

3. Build Your A-Team

Your birth squad matters. Surround yourself with people who uplift, support, and advocate for your choices.

Who to recruit: A partner who remembers your safe word (for epidural debates, not Fifty Shades vibes), a doula who’s your personal cheerleader, and medical staff you trust.
Red flag: Anyone who rolls their eyes at your birth plan gets benched.

4. Reframe the Narrative

When things go sideways, it’s easy to feel like you’ve “failed.” Let’s crush that myth right now: you’re not failing; you’re adapting.

Mindset shift: Instead of, “I didn’t stick to the plan,” try, “I made the best choices for me and my baby in the moment.”

Real-Life Scenarios: Finding Control in Chaos

Scenario 1: Your water breaks, but labor doesn’t start.
Option: Discuss induction timelines and alternatives with your provider. Maybe you walk around the block a few times or bust out the yoga ball. Either way, you’re calling the shots.
Scenario 2: The C-section you didn’t plan for becomes necessary.
Control Tip: Advocate for gentle C-section practices like delayed cord clamping and immediate skin-to-skin. Yes, even in surgery, your voice matters.

Action Steps for Your Birth Toolkit

Ready to feel more in control? Here are a few actionable steps to prep before the big day:

Research Your Rights: Know that you have the right to say yes, no, or “hold up, I need more info.”
Practice Advocacy: Role-play conversations with your partner or doula so you’re ready to speak up when needed.
Pack Mental Flexibility in Your Hospital Bag: Right next to your comfy socks and snacks, because adaptability is a superpower.

A Final Pep Talk (Because You’ve Got This)

Birth might not follow your plan, but that doesn’t mean you’re powerless. You’re navigating one of the most intense, transformative, and badass experiences of your life—and doing it with grace, courage, and heart.

Here’s your next step: Join my email list for exclusive tips, expert advice, and empowering tools to help you feel in control, respected, and confident in your birth journey. It’s like having a virtual doula in your inbox—minus the awkward small talk.

Ready to take charge? Sign up here and let’s get you prepped for the birth you deserve.

Faye L